Originally written on Jan. 21, 2011.
What some people misunderstand about me is that I'm not a fem-nazi or a man hater. I am just a strong woman. I'm not a tough girl, but strong from inside. I have my own path, and I know it is right for me. Even when I am unsure about something in my life I still sense the core of my being, and I believe in that. I am aware of my weaknesses always, and do not shy from my demons or personal struggles. I am a work in progress always, and I never want to stop being that. When you stop learning you start dying inside in the ways that you need so much to be alive to survive this life on this plane.
My dance name, Infiniti, is based on these ideas. It has been my personal path ever since I can remember. It was pointed out to me by a long lost friend that I was Infinity Girl in the mid 90s. Nothing ever rang more true in my being when this was expressed to me, and it still rings sound within me just the same.
I love all of you who I have a strong bond with in one way or another. I cherish you, and am so glad to have you be part of my life path. I am so grateful to those of you who share some of your path with me as well. I wish I could see you all more often to share more smiles, hugs, kisses, and laughs, but just thinking of you makes me happy as well.
It's surreal when your friends die... Gerald and Charity died within a month of each other in 2009. Gerald was a great guy, so funny and one helluva guitarist.
Charity and I were closer. We shared so many similarities and so many differences. We flattered each other, comforted each other, we clashed occasionally, but we ended up talking it out. Damn, I remember we had only one huge argument in the 10 years we were friends. She didn't talk to me for a couple months. Then one warm spring day, there was a knock on my door. We talked and shared for an hour on the front porch. It warmed my heart that she cared as much as she did about our friendship. Sometimes I was not a good friend to her, and for that I will forever be sorry...
Most people were very intimidated by her demeanor. She was a true tough girl. Tough as damn nails on the outside and inside, that one. But I could see her heart and her hurt as I could my own, and I always tried to just be there for her to talk to when she felt like letting the tough walls down to share. Fuck, I miss her face so much....
If I could have only seen Chris's face in person one last time after all these years. If I could only have felt that indention in his skull that was so damn freaky feeling one last time... But at least I got to know that amazing man, and share some great conversations with him at all. At least he got to see that I was living my passion in dance and using my creative energies before he was taken from us. He seemed proud of me. I cherish that. I am proud of him for leaving such a legacy in the Charlotte underground artist scene. I am proud of him for being so kind and gentle, and for knowing just how to use that along with his will and intelligence in such an articulate way.
In closing, I want those of you who have shared some of your lives with me to know I love you and cherish you more than you may ever know.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment